Two Many?

I have 2 little boys and I am 37 years old. If I could have chosen a little different path, I would have been married earlier in my life and would have had at least 4 children by now. But, there are some things you just can't control. I put my life in God's hands years ago and have waited on Him to give to me what He thought was best. Well, I can't really argue with that, looking at my 3 beauties... husband included.

But anyone with 2 little children can probably relate with me that this is HARD! There is an incredible lack of sleep from time to time, there are countless sacrifices each day, there is a dying to self that is too deep to explain. At times I think back to life before children and am able to do so with fond memories. When it was just Brad and me and our freedom! I can even recall many happy times before I was married. And, at the same time, I can also look forward to a time when my boys are older and more self-sufficient. A time when I can run an errand or go to the gym and just leave them here without the hassle and expense of a babysitter. So when parents at this stage in family life decide, "WE ARE DONE!" I guess I can see how they come to this conclusion with a similar looking forward to an easier time down the road. If you don't have any more children, that road becomes shorter.

But I have seen the other side of life with one or two children who are growing up or grown and parents whose "dream" has come true. And I have to say, it doesn't look as good as you might think. My next door neighbor is around 50 years old and has an empty nest. Her 2 boys have grown and gone and she now has a job, a dog, and a really nice yard. I can imagine that her house is usually really clean and that they do lots of fun things in the evenings and on weekends. When we were chatting recently I mentioned we hoped to have more children. She said that was good. Then, with deep and sad regret, she relayed what she and so many friends of hers are going through now, in these lonely days post-child-raising. After having 1 or 2 kids and feeling much the same as I do now, they made the decision to "be done." But, not long after the kids began school, the life they hoped for slowly became a reality and eventually those kids left. Suddenly, they are alone and those new feelings of loneliness are so much deeper and greater than the loneliness of mothering little ones. There was such regret and even the sense of loss in the story she told me. She admitted that she and most of her friends wished they would have had more children.

My opinion is there is a lie being told to us. It began decades ago. The lie is that life without children is better. For a host of reasons: over-population, having a dream career, getting great sleep, being able to travel, etc. What is overlooked is that children are a blessing. Yes, it's hard to raise young children. Yes, you give up freedom and all the rest. But children are FOREVER. Everything else a person hopes for in life is fleeting and will go away.

I had an experience being with my Father-in-Law when he passed away. For the weeks and months he was sick and dying, at least one of his four kids and their spouses and the 2 grandchildren were with him, comforting him and praying with him. Then, when he was struggling for life at the end, his whole family was with him. He passed away with 3 of his 4 kids at his side, praying for him, loving him. I was there, watching this love exchanged and being grateful that he chose to give life to these 4 great people, one of whom is my husband. I considered how the generosity he had to give life and to love 4 children had come back to him at the end of his life. I saw this full circle of love before my eyes and was deeply affected.

My resolve is that I will accept any children God chooses to give me. I will accept the challenges that come to me daily with generosity (as much as possible, anyway.) I will love these children, and KNOW these children, and give them the best life I can. I will find joy daily amidst the chaos. And I will do whatever I can to come to the end of my life without regret, surrounded and filled by the love I gave away.